The Gift of Friends
I’ve known my wife since the first grade. I’ve grown up with her, raised two children with her and had her in my heart for decades. And if there’s one thing we’ve both learned about marriage over the years it’s that great marriages take great work.
They don’t just happen. If they did, more people would reach their 50th wedding anniversary, the divorce rates would be a lot lower and there’d be less heartbreak sung on the radio. But marriage isn’t easy.
There are countless books about growing your marriage and building communication and any host of other topics. Some of those books have important things to say, but today I just want to share one word that’s really helped revolutionize my marriage with Rhonda.
Friends.
Years ago, we started being deliberate about building close relationships with other married couples. It took time, but as we were vulnerable with other people, we were able to see the tremendous benefit that “doing life together” had on our marriage.
The hardest part was learning how to be real and honest. When you meet regularly with two or three other couples, it’s tempting to “put your best foot forward.” It’s easy to share the good stuff that happened the previous week and leave out any details that might not make you look like husband or wife of the year. But if you’re not real, then you can’t have real growth. If you’re not honest, then you can’t have honest change,
So Rhonda and I took the risk. We stepped out of our comfort zones and shared our lives with a few other couples. And when we did, we eventually started to see the tremendous gift of having some “marriage coaches.” For one thing, it teaches you to communicate better as you learn to talk about your issues out loud with other people. It helps you frame your words and attitude as you experience other people reacting to them. And perhaps most importantly, it prevents the sense of isolation and loneliness that can overtake a marriage when a couple refuses to share what’s really going on.
Who are you doing life with? How are they challenging and encouraging you?
Ha! I would like to say that my husband and I spend time with other couples, but unfortunately, we {as well as our friends} are so buried with children that we rarely see each other!
What you recommend sounds wonderful though, and I hope that as we settle in to more of a rhythm with our three-kids-three-and-under we may be able to share such a bond with other couples!
Thanks Dan! This is a great reminder and challenge. Thanks for giving sound advice/encouragement in a humble manner!